So this is the infamous list from St. Mary's Catholic church about all the "warning signs a kid is probably Goth (or what they think one to be like). Needless to say this is pretty well known online and has been made fun of countless times because several "warnings" describe most teenagers and are kind of ridiculous. Needless to say they probably didn't do research very well, aren't familiar with "normal" teen behavior, or what Goth is really like. This is laughable so I counted all the things on the list I fit or am guilty of past or present (sadly). I'm just doing it because it's so insanely laughable and stupid and those are the nice and tame things I can personally say about this monstrosity and lulz some ignorant people have shat out. I'm thoroughly amused with this.
A Fair Warning from St. Mary's Catholic Church:
If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!
Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in.
The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:
-Frequently wears black clothing. Guilty
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. Guilty
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish. Guilty
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols. Guilty of the ankh and "odd silver jewelry because it's pretty
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos. Guilty I have thirteen piercings, two tattoos, and can't get enough of them
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social
genres of music (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.) Sorry but GUILTY and they probably think "anti-social genres" are anything other than gospel and classical music lol.
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically. Guilty, an everyday thing! Because not everyone can be boring wallflowers that have no personality.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.Not really, I don't play sports but I read the Bible (not enough but I do) and I pray every night.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan. Ummmm guilty? Death is a natural part of life and doesn't death let us leave this world and go to a "better place"? Without death we'd be stuck in a hellish world forever according to some beliefs. I am interested in "occult things" I'll admit because I want to know and understand ideology other than my own and begin to understand life more. But I think that's just called being open minded and intelligent.
-Takes drugs. Not Guilty
-Drinks alcohol. Guilty? I have a "drink" occassionally but with temperance and without intentions of "partying". I'm not going to lie about this but I've never actually been drunk, high, etc.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed. I'm ashamed but I'm Guilty as sin. I won't deny it I'm mentally ill and have a major depressive disorder that developed during my early teen years as I was continually bullied by "Christians" and I began to believe that God did hate me and I made a terrible and immature decision I regret forever. I'm honest and I have a major flaw that I'm not proud of. Everyone gets depressed sometimes because we are human and have emotions and personally I'd be scared for someone that never felt anything other than happiness. It's okay to be sad and talk about it because it's normal (unless it isn't and it's chronic but you know what I mean). I've even heard everyone thinks of suicide at least once in their life anyways. Sure it's unhealthy and it's not healthy, productive, or even a wise choice necessarily. Yes, I'm ashamed of my actions as a child but I know I'm guilty and I'm not afraid to come out about it anymore, in fact if I said nothing about it ever and let it fester I'd be worse than I am today.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.) Guilty in my youth sadly. But ummmmmm, this is a major issue that can affect anyone, not just children involved with a subculture. It's common, stereotyped, and not talked about enough. If your'e kid is doing that you should talk to him in a comoforting manner, ask them why they are doing it, and seek help as well as guidance and love on the road to recovery. Self injury can touch anyone and it excludes no one, even Christians.
-Complains of boredom. Guilty Everyone does this! But then again maybe your kids are bored because they live in such a sheltered environment or have to put up with the parents taking this seriously.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little. Guilty, I'm in college and this is normal for young people. And the last time I checked many "elderly" people sleep a lot. lol
-Is excessively awake during the night. Guilty presented without comment.
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.) Ummmm I like sunlight and daytime but I sure as hell don't like sunburn, hot weather, sweating, or tanning. So guilty perhaps?
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy. Guilty, I'm introverted anyways and most teenagers do this.
-Spends large amounts of time alone. Again Guilty and introverted.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation.) Normal teenage thing. Guilty but this kind of sounds too stupid to be a serious thing and I smell trolling.
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. Guilty, Every kid does this.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this. Not guilty. I respect everyone or try to.
-Misbehaves at school. Not guilty.
-Misbehaves at home. Not guilty (but maybe when I was younger)
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this. Ummmmm Guilty? It's good cereal but this is too lulzy to be serious I swear.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.) Not guilty.
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.) Guilty everyone does this almost. It's most Americans and perhaps they should refer to "Faux" news if they want to talk about "corrupted" media.
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature. Guilty, many people do this that even look "normal" or may not even be in a subculture per se.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. Welcome to 2012 Guilty.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. Ummmmm, Not guilty?
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner. Not guilty
-Expresses an interest in sex. This is every teenager and it's normal sorry but guilty.
-Masturbates................................ no comment
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual..............Sorry but guilty.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism. ? I don't pursue religions I have my own faith and I'm comfortable expressing and sharing ideas with other faiths.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth". Not guilty but I still sense a troll behind this.
-Claims to be a goth. I identify as one so guilty?
If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.
~St. Mary's Catholic Church
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